I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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