and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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