Porn is love you can see.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
