I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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