Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
