drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
