so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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