Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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