Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
