Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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