Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
