I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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