party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
