Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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