You just made me feel so damn special
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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