my sisters under your porch take her home
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
