oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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