you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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