I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
