He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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