Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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