You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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