Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So many bounce houses so little time
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
