Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
