sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
