So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
