She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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