In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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