Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
