I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
should my penis look like a turkey
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
