I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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