i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
