i barfeds in our rink
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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