summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
