I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
