Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
