I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
