I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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