I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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