Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
