I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
