just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
