well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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