You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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