I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
