i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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