ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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