i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
