sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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