tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
