I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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