He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
